FMLA to Care for a Parent: Who Qualifies, and How to Ask for It

Up to 12 weeks of job-protected leave, in one block or a few hours at a time. Here's who qualifies and how to ask.

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Your dad's cardiologist only has 10 a.m. appointments. The physical therapist wants him twice a week. Last month you used two vacation days and a sick day you didn't really have, and your manager is starting to notice. You're not trying to quit. You just need to step away from work for a few hours without putting your job at risk. That's exactly what the Family and Medical Leave Act is for, and many caregivers don't realize it can be used in hours, not just in weeks.

What FMLA gives you

Under the FMLA rules, you can take up to 12 workweeks of leave in a 12-month period to care for a parent with a serious health condition. Your employer picks how that 12-month period is counted, so ask HR which method they use.

The leave is job-protected. According to the Department of Labor's FMLA fact sheet, your employer has to keep your group health benefits going on the same terms while you're out, and give you back the same or a nearly identical job when you return. Your employer also can't punish you for using it.

The catch is that FMLA leave is unpaid. You can choose to use your paid vacation or sick time at the same time, and in some cases your employer can require it. That keeps a paycheck coming while the FMLA clock runs.

Who qualifies

First, your employer has to be covered. Private employers are covered if they have 50 or more employees, and government agencies and public and private schools are covered no matter how small they are. Then three things have to be true about you:

• You've worked for the employer for at least 12 months.
• You've worked at least 1,250 hours in the 12 months before the leave starts. That's about 24 hours a week.
• You work at a location where the employer has at least 50 employees within 75 miles.

Who counts as a parent, and what counts as care

Under the regulations, a parent means a biological, adoptive, step or foster parent, or someone who acted as your parent when you were a child, like a grandparent or aunt who raised you. Parents-in-law aren't included. Your parent needs a serious health condition, which means an illness, injury or condition involving inpatient care or continuing treatment by a health care provider.

Care is defined broadly. The FMLA regulations count physical and psychological care, helping a parent who can't meet their own basic medical, hygiene, food or safety needs, driving them to the doctor, and simply providing comfort and reassurance. It also covers filling in for the person who usually provides care and making arrangements for changes in care, such as a move to a nursing home. And you don't have to be the only family member available to help.

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Intermittent leave: a few hours at a time

This is the part most caregivers need. FMLA leave can be taken intermittently, in separate blocks of time for the same reason, or as a reduced schedule, like four days a week instead of five. It has to be medically necessary, which the doctor's certification spells out.

The regulations say intermittent leave applies both when your parent's condition comes and goes and when you're only needed some of the time, for example when you share the care with a sibling or a paid aide. In practice, that can mean leaving at noon every Tuesday for your mom's treatments, or a reduced schedule for a few weeks after your dad's surgery. The hours come out of your 12 weeks.

How to ask your employer

Start with your employee handbook or HR, not your manager, so the request is on record. Then:

• Give notice early. For planned treatment, the rules ask for 30 days' notice. If the need comes up suddenly, tell your employer as soon as you can.
• Describe the pattern, not just the dates: "I'll need about four hours every other week for my father's appointments for the next three months."
• Get the certification moving. Your employer can require a certification from your parent's health care provider, and you generally have 15 calendar days to return it. Get it to the doctor's office right away, and ask your parent to tell the office it's okay to fill it out.
• Proving the relationship is simple. If asked, a short written statement that the person is your parent is enough, according to a Department of Labor fact sheet.
• Keep copies of every email, form and approval.

Getting paid while you're out

FMLA itself doesn't pay, but some states run paid family leave insurance that replaces part of your wages while you care for a seriously ill family member. In California, Paid Family Leave pays up to 8 weeks in a 12-month period, from $50 to $1,765 a week, though it doesn't protect your job by itself. FMLA or state law may do that. New Jersey's Family Leave Insurance and Washington's Paid Family and Medical Leave also cover caring for a loved one. Other states have programs too, so check your state labor department's website.

If your parent has Medicaid, a different kind of help may apply: the paid family caregiver page in your Survival Guide shows what your parent's state offers. And if you're caring for kids and a parent at the same time, this sandwich generation survival guide covers the money and time squeeze.

When FMLA isn't enough

If your employer is too small to be covered or you haven't worked there long enough, you still have options. Ask for a flexible schedule, remote days or a shift swap during the hardest stretch. Check whether your employer offers an employee assistance program, which often includes caregiver referrals. And look at help that lets you keep working: an adult day program, a home aide for appointment days, or respite care so you get a real break.

Leave from work isn't the same as a break for you. Plan your own time off, too, with the my-break sheet in your Survival Guide. If you're running on empty, read the signs of caregiver burnout before it decides for you.

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